Merry christmas!

MERRY CHRISTMAS! A little early...these are from our Christmas card but I was just thinking about posting the pics for fun. I am basically ready and just enjoying the snow and lack of school to do. I hope you are ready and enjoying this season of joy and peace as well. We are thankful for our three healthy children and a roof over our heads that is cozy. We are thankful for our baby that is kicking and seemingly very active! Praise the Lord for new life...for all of us.

Oswald speaks once again...

Today in My Utmost for His Highest is brilliant. Let me just relay some for you to think about...ponder...meditate...decipher for yourself.

"Individuality is the hard outer layer surrounding the inner spiritual life. Individuality shoves others aside, separating and isolating people. We see it as the primary characteristic of a child, and rightly so. When we confuse individuality with the spiritual life, we remain isolated. This shell of individuality is God's created natural covering designed to protect the spiritual life. But or individuality must be yielded to God so that our spiritual life may be brought forth into fellowship with Him. Individuality counterfeits spirituality, just as lust counterfeits love. God designed human nature for Himself, but individuality corrupts that human nature for its own purposes.
The characteristics of individuality are independence and self-will. We hinder our spiritual growth more than any other way by continually asserting our individuality. If you say, 'I can't believe,' it is because your individuality is blocking the way; individuality can never believe. But our spirit cannot help believing."

An update!

Many, many things have been happening around here in the last few months. All of which are unbelievably exciting...Well maybe not but here are some. We have been learning to do school and work from home. It is strange to have all the people who live here actually here all the day long. It is both good and bad for Casey. He is learning to adjust to having distractions now and then; even when he doesn't want them. He is also learning to seize opportunities to have time with any one of us. The other day while Daisy was doing some schoolwork and Jack was doing something Lucy just went downstairs and climbed under his table and played with something. Just being with her Daddy. Jack went downstairs and asked Casey to put Christmas music on the computer for him to listen to. So, while Casey painted Jack laid on the steps and listened to Christmas music and asked what each song was called-unless it was Jingle Bells-he knows that one. Casey loved it. We are appreciating those moments that wouldn't happen if we didn't have our kids at home and he didn't work here.
On the art side of life Casey has sold 4 paintings at the restaurant where his work is currently hanging. He got a couple of specialty pet stores to hang some painitings and we are hoping for something to come of that. He had the courage to go into one of his favorite stores that carries really great art and ask about getting his stuff there. The gal looked at his stuff and said she loved it and wanted to carry it! Only problem is she isn't sure that she will be able to work out lease problems for Riverfront Park. So, you can pray for that. He has gotten several Christmas commissions. Which is really good. Portraits, which he loves to do. They are small but everything counts, ya know.
We have already done a gingerbread house, put up decorations (except a tree), and made cookies. We are doing pretty good for it being the beginning of December. We just celebrated Casey's 36th birthday. And are looking forward to my brother coming in the next couple of weeks. I have done very little Christmas shopping but am seriously considering doing a large portion online this year. We'll see what happens.
I am feeling more and more pregnant each week that passes, although I am not sure this is a good thing considering I am only 16 weeks. I have a lot more of this to go. However, I am keeping my sights set on January as I will be having an ultrasound then and always feel better after that. Plus, then we will know what we are having! I think I am beginning to really embrace this baby. I have been having trouble just not letting the anxiety get to me, but thanks to three very timely and back to back pep talks from people I love and trust very much I am embracing the joy! Can't wait to see what this little person turns out to be. I have been so blessed and challenged and grown by the other three that God alone knows what this baby will bring me.

Like this one for instance who just keeps revealing to me that I have a very deep connection with my mother. It is otherworldly and I didn't see that coming. I am finding a new way to love my mom and be loved by her through this precious little face. I was afraid to have a daughter of my own and now I am so humbly grateful that someone else is in charge of choosing what babies we have.

These two are always changing it seems and growing. I love this picture because it looks like they are digging a grave and they kinda did. Daisy was laying in it without it being 6 feet deep and without being covered with dirt. She was covered in leaves instead. Daisy is a reading machine and I love it! She is so content to just sit and read for hours. I love that about her. It is good for her to give her mouth a break! I am constantly amazed at what she knows and we are finally getting somewhere when it comes to remembering and thinking through consequences. Jack is my little hurricane. Rolling through the house with a wave of destruction behind him. Yet, he has this tender and soft heart. He has been learning so much already this year and has just totally taken off with writing and counting and math. It is great to see. He loves to sit down and do schoolwork with Daisy...I'm sure glad someone does.
Sorry this was so long...I didn't mean it that way!

Questions?

I have questions. I am questioning. Not everything...there are some things I know I believe and some things I know are true. Some things I know I will or will not do. But there are other things. Things and ideas that I am starting to wonder if I was lied to or maybe mislead or was I just ignorant before? I think some things just come into question because your children grow and enter into new phases of life...or is it me that is growing and entering into new phases of life? See. That is what I mean.

But I feel like questioning is good not bad. I can only gain more perspective and understanding through questions, right? I want to reach the truth. The whole truth and nothing but the truth...so help me. I guess my encouragement would be if you haven't questioned anything in a while maybe you should.

Limitations

I am discovering I have limits. Not just on what I can do because I am finding those, but limits on emotions, empathy, sympathy, grace, compassion, conversation, physical touch and understanding. I used to feel like I had deeper reservoirs of these. Maybe I am just processing some things...maybe I am just pregnant. Either way, I suppose it is good to find my limits. It reminds me of my humanness. I just wish sometimes I could find just a little bit more.

My kids by the way don't have limits, because there is no limit to the amount of hours they can make fart noises using straws in their armpits. I did try to make it a little worth while and told them about friction...I know...it's a stretch.

Halloween!

Finally I am getting these pics up and writing about our adventure on Halloween. We started the day at my grandparents house. They love to see the kids dressed up. It is fun for them and us. Next, we went to my uncle Don's house where we always get lots of ohhhs and ahhhs and candy and cupcakes. There were a few kids there trick-or-treating so we went to a few houses right by them. We were on our way to the Harvest party at our church, but Casey did some smooth talking and convinced them to go door to door...you know...old school. So, we went up to the nice neighborhoods on the South Hill and my other aunt and uncle's house and got lots of great candy and totally wore out the kids. At our last little stop we were across the street from the Rocket Bakery on 14th, which is just a little spot. Well, Daisy wanted to look inside and happened to lean on the door and the alarm went off. The entire time we were trick or treating in that neighborhood. She was so embarrassed and I think she thought she would get in trouble. She was on the verge of tears for a while. Anyway, a good story to add to our night!

Every since then every single day Jack asks me if he can a "teeny, tiny, teeny, tiny, teeny, tiny piece of candy".

Lucy really, really likes M & Ms!

Tri-Cities

We went to Tri-Cities this last weekend for a short but pleasant weekend with family. We went straight to a great farm in Grandview where we got to make our very own DELICIOUS apple cider. I got to throw apples into the 'get your fingers the hell out of the way machine' to grind them up and Daisy turned the top on the press to get the cider out. Casey walked around getting ideas for paintings and enjoying the farm while watching Jack and Lucy do the same. We are enjoying our fresh nothin' added to it cider and I am regretful I didn't get more.

We also spent the afternoon/evening with some more of my family. Casey got to play a hilarious game of croquet with a couple of my uncles. My uncle Mike, we learned, has a hidden dark side that only comes out whilst playing this particular game...weird. We got to have teas and snacks at my Aunt Cathy's home and celebrate my cousin Annie's 9th birthday. It was great fun to be together again after what seems like a very long absence from family gatherings. (I started to think about this when we were singing to Annie and I noticed that myself and several others in my family were teary and barely getting through the singing. Especially when we came to the end where in our family we sing, "may the dear Lord bless you, may the dear Lord bless you. May He bless you and keep you, may the dear Lord bless you." Precious memory of my grandma.) Which is something we are known for and brag about generally. Since my grandmother died last December there hasn't been much gathering happening. It is a shame. Our family is strong and marked by love and yet that seems to be far from people's minds right now. I hope and pray that we can come back together again. We never know what is going to throw us off course. Confuse or muddle the truth that we know and have known for a long time. My grandma was the constant reminder of what really matters...relationships...especially family. And some have lost sight of that. It is hard because I think my own Dad sort of started the confusion. So again I am troubled by my role in this and what it means for him. I have learned that my family isn't going to pass any of his 'sin' on to me but it is so very upsetting to constantly be witness to my Dad's foolishness. I heard an amazing sermon this last weekend about honoring our father and mother. I wish I could process it all and tell you about it, but I can't. I just know that it has me thinking yet again what that looks like for me and if that is even possible.

One more!

So, as most of you know I am prego and having our 4th! Yeah! Exciting and terrifying just like the last two times...three times. The first was definitely the most terrifying and I didn't even have to give birth. We are excited and yet very humbled. God has blessed us that is for sure. We have no doubts about that. He is growing our family and we don't know when He will stop. We have taken to a different viewpoint on family and children as of late. Well, maybe more me than Casey. He always wanted a big fam at least 3 maybe more like 5 or 6; I remember him telling me that and thinking-like Hell 6. But here I am saying we are having 4 and I don't know if there will be more. God is in control right? Then if I say He is but don't give Him this part of my life-what is that? He can be in control of all the things I don't see fit to control myself...I don't think that is going to fly. I honestly don't want to have faith like that. So, when 3 children seems like plenty and "financially" enough we are venturing to trust our God who hasn't let us down yet. Praise God for children...all of them.

These days...

We are trying to get back into the swing of school after multiple illnesses and Uncle Jordan being here. Finding a Midwife and investigating that route. Trying to figure out what to do with my garden for the winter. Going to a cougar game on Saturday! Which was super fun even though they are horrible. We got to sit in the second row on the 40 yard line! Great seats. We will try to get back to our routine...even though we are leaving for Tri-Cities on Thursday. But in more interesting news...the rooster is gone.

Casey offed him. He rung his neck...can you picture Casey swinging the rooster around by the neck to break it. Now you may be wondering if this is a good idea. Cutting means blood and running around with no head. We didn't want that. So, breaking it was. I cooked the breast and tried to make stock. It would have been good, but I had to leave to go to my appointment and left Casey in charge of turning it off. Well, he let if go down to nothing and burnt the veggies and stuff in the pot. I was so disappointed and sad. Oh well. No crying over burnt stock, right? I did get the meat out first though. Just so you all know the chicken breasts you buy at the store are NOT NORMAL. That is about 3 chickens worth. Crazy and disgusting. No chicken should have breasts that big.

Every day it seems like I discover something new about the food we eat and I realize I have to make a choice about it. I shared some of that with my brother and just got a text from him asking what Corn Maltodextrin was? I mean doesn't that just say it all...why would we eat these things if we have no idea what it was. And if you saw those ingredients laying around would you say, "oh yeah, go ahead and put some of that in!" I don't think so.

Changes

My kids are growing up and changing can you tell! Yikes! Casey took these and I love them.



I hope you aren't tired of me changing my blog all the time. It seems as though I have been. Anyway, I am just in a season of needing/wanting a lot of change. We have been working on the exterior of our house and it is looking better and better everyday. Which is awesome! I painted the living room and hallway. And am in the process of choosing a color to repaint the bathroom and got a new shower curtain and shelf and am really looking forward to a different look in there. But the whole point is I have just been changing as much as I can. I don't really know why. I have just felt compelled to change things. It has been good and I think I need change pretty regularly. I don't really know how people do sameness all the time and LIKE it! Crazy. LIfe is too short to live it the same all the time. Isn't it? Changes are good. They make us see things just a little differently and make us feel fresh and new without much effort or money. Especially as moms who do the same things all the time and most of the time in the same order at the same places. That is important. Try it today! Especially if you don't normally. It might make you feel better. Plus if you move the couch you will clean under it and everyone can feel good about that! Happy changes.

Attacks

Did you know you are under attack? I am. You probably are too. It is always there...lurking.

I have been struggling to get some time to do the things I should and want to. I just started another year of Soulcare and told my story on Tuesday. My brother is here. Last night ALL of my kids threw up. Daisy took the first shift starting in the morning and was in and out all day. Then puked right before bed. Lucy's turn was from 10:30pm until 2:30am and Jack's was from 3am until 8am. No one has puked since THANK GOD. But like I said before under attack. Some things are just meant to drive you down into the pit of despair. 3 hours of sleep is a good way to start but an even better way to drive you straight to the bottom. I am tired but I think just getting a little of this off of my chest is helping. Sorry to be a Debbie Downer but I just thought I would say to you all.

Pay attention. The attack is always there...even if just a small little movement towards the bigger idea; a little victory that clouds your judgement on the truth. Watch and pay attention. Gaurd your hearts for they are the wellspring of life.

Mother/teacher...

So, things are better and I am trying to get back on track. Homeschooling can be such a burden at times to me alone. I fight with myself about the right things to do and the right way to do it. Making sure that we are accomplishing things and that she is learning something...anything. I have gotten very bogged down with my task as mother/teacher/homemaker recently and find it very difficult to get out of easily. There are some places I go mentally that I have no problem 'popping out of' but this is not one of them.

I was on the internet the other night searching, searching, searching for websites and activities to help me improve Daisy's interaction with the material. it is tough. It would be so much easier to give her to someone else for teaching and instruction...yet I know that is my job and I am called to it. And she would struggle and struggle mightily. I don't know where Jack would fall in the public school system; I only know that I'll never know unless I'm forced.

After a great weekend with seeing my sister-in-law in Priest River for an undefined and casual chunk of time I got some inspiration. She has a Kindergarten aged boy and preschool aged girl. She had some great books and gave me some great encouragement and I realized I needed to be WAY more purposeful with my son. It has been amazing the result. Not only does he love to do things but it has really minimized his distraction to Daisy. All that to say that I am on my way to adjusting yet again my homeschool life and the kids in it. I am hopeful for the day when I don't feel quite so limited in my ability to do this, despite a teaching certificate!

All I know is that I am to train my children in the way they should go.

Fall air

The fall is upon us and maybe that is the reason for my exhaustion. Or it could be my early mornings from my son climbing into my bed or from Daisy puking and pooping her guts up at 4:30am? Daisy has been ill...I mean ill...since Sunday morning. It is horrible and she looks it. I think we are turning around today but it has really turned the tables on my days. It is exhausting being up with sick kids. Also, Daisy looks at me with the wild eyes and says, "I'm gonna throw up!" so I say okay go ahead and she continues to ask my permission to puke; what is that? Just do what you gotta do! Bizare. Anyway, I am also on day 9 of literally no hubby around either, which isn't helping my mental status. I was so exhausted last night I couldn't go to sleep. Feeling crappy about my body too; in case I didn't have enough stress I thought I would just add more to myself. Why? Why, do I do that?

Anyway, there is my current status-tired, feeling the 5-10 extra pounds, sick kid, no husband around. Maybe today will be a better day?

Anniversay and other thoughts...

It has been nine years...nine years...I wouldn't say they were totally blissful because well...they weren't all blissful. However, I sit here so very, very grateful for my husband and the man he is. He is kind and compassionate and he loves the crap out of me and our kids. As my uncle told me this last weekend, " you know the thing I like about Casey is he isn't lazy." Which translated means he will do whatever it takes to take care of us. That is a wonderful feeling. I love my husband and can't wait for nineteen more years.

Just the other day as he was introducing me to yet another artist he has discovered named Thad Cockrell...I think that is the spelling. He is really awesome and you should totally check him out. Casey told me he finally found our song. I was perplexed as to why he was using the word finally...I didn't really know we were searching...but anyway he sings a song called 'Beauty has a name'. It is really great to be able to listen to a song like that and know that my husband feels that way about me and not wish my husband felt that way about me.

I have learned a few things in my time of being married. One, is that when woman ask their husbands to do something or to help them in some way it means right now. Husbands hear when you have a minute...we don't have a minute that is why we are asking your help and if you don't help right now by the time I'm done with this I'll be able to do it myself. That is a very tricky game in the marriage world. Second, as I said to my friend Sara a few years back; his crap all over the living room is directly corrolated to sex...he just can't seem to figure that out. Third, Jesus is the only way to stay in a marriage and have it be about the other person. You can't do it when your just two humans trying to live together. Too much stuff never gets peeled off.

We celebrated with our kids having dinner and enjoying the new found bliss that is my new BBQ! Which was my anniversay gift; my husband is an excellent gift-giver. I grilled really nice steaks and onions and hotdogs for the kids. We had a great dinner and then put everyone to bed and watched Masterchef. It isn't the most exciting or romantic but I had a great time. I got roses too!

Y-to the-U-to the-M!

Food. I love it. It is really just fuel, but thanks be to God that he allows us to enjoy and find pleasure in even the simplest of things...eating. He loves for us to love things he created and I for one love to eat good stuff. (That may or may not be the reason I cannot shed these last 10 pounds of Lucy weight.) But let me just say that eatin' good is tough on a budget. Because I just don't want to eat well; I want to eat well...if you know what I mean.

It bothers me so much that I can't just get the kinds of food that will make my family healthy and not sick. It drives me crazy that I can't just go to the store and buy whatever I want because most of it, like 90%, is full of crap that will kill me. I mean have you ever looked at the ingredients in the things you buy. Everything has sugar, soy and MSG. Did you know that MSG actually GROWS cancer cells! Disgusting. No wonder our country is in a battle to the death. Anyway, I just am in this constant struggle between the budget and the food. It is what I spend a lot of my day doing and frankly I wish I could enjoy it more and I am trying to get some more cooking skills. But that will be something that takes a while.

I have been on a role lately though. I did make cinnamon rolls-from scratch. I was so thrilled. I LOVE cinnamon rolls. Two of my very favorite things in one buttery, gooey place. Cinnamon and bread. It is brilliant. Although they didn't quit turn out as I hoped, so unfortunately I will have to try again. But I have been trying my hand at more things homemade and even picked up a new cookbook that my friend Emily uses. Fannie Farmer Cookbook. I will let you know how it goes. It is full of basics and I am looking forward to utilizing it in my quest to be able to eat things I love without all the hormones, pesticides, MSG, soy, processed sugar and high fructose corn syrup....oh how I hate the high fructose corn syrup.

I did purchase 2 boxes of peaches from my sister-in-law...well from wherever she purchased them. So just as we were sick of watermelon we recieved these peaches and I have been cutting and peeling ever since. I did immediately turn about 20 of them into the biggest peach cobbler I've ever made. Which we have had for breakfast and dessert for the last couple of days. It is delicious with coffee I might add.

This is a sausage and tortellini soup I made in an attempt to be frugal and use what I had. It turned out pretty well. And sourdough english muffins make for pretty good garlic/parmesan toasties!


So all that to say I am looking for any good thoughts or recent ideas about saving money and eating well. I know that probably everyone is in this same struggle.

More new things...

A family photo! Hey, we have three kids this is the best we can do...my friend Sara took this for us! Holla!


A haircut! How is it that even the smallest of haircuts. Like a trim can change your outlook on yourself so drastically? Am I alone in this? I seriously got my hair trimmed and thinned...you may be shrieking in horror right now you thin haired people but trust me, it must be done. And I am wishing I hadn't postponed it so long. The ground was covered in hair and all she did was thin the living crap out of it and give it a little layering along the bottom. Whamo...I'm a new woman. And really you can't even tell...but I can. Crazy. Crazy I tell you! It just revealed to me that taking the time to budget $35 and 45 minutes for myself is really, really important and helps me to feel better. It is so small and yet so very doable.

A sunburn on my shoulders. To end the summer in style...and a little pain.

Dresses for the girls. I do not consider myself talented, gifted, handy, or even crafty. However, I can sew some things...some. I saw this pattern at a great little fabric store downtown called Buttercuppity and knew it was time to attempt something like this. So, I bought the pattern and the fabrics. See, I have what you would call "an eye" but not really the skills to back that up. I have learned this about myself and I accept it. If I had lots of money our house would be fabulously decorated because I have an eye. Anyway...this is the result. I am so stunned and thrilled with the results. Can't wait to actually try it again.

New things

My son has discovered the fan...you know...Luke, I am your father. Only he does "Daisy, get over here!" and also the theme song to Thomas the train and whatever else he can think of to say into the fan. Very amusing.

I have a new light fixture in my dining room! Yeah! I must tell the story. I was in Tri-Cities visiting my family and was going to help my aunt with some painting and so we went to Lowes to get paint. She had just gotten some screaming deals on lights and wanted to go check to see if there was anymore. And there it was. The light I had been looking for and couldn't afford. It was marked at $119 but my aunt assured me it would ring up cheaper (it was marked down from $235!) It rang up at $59! So I bought it. Had to.


We are going to a hoedown tomorrow...I think. I don't really know what it is. It is in a barn with dancing and some kind of 'show' and dinner. I'll share the details. Should be interesting.

Scroll down or go to Casey's site to see my beautiful baby Lucy!

Worth some thought.

IndoctriNation Trailer from IndoctriNation on Vimeo.

School is upon us...

I am staring down the barrel of another school year. I am actually excited because we have found a great science book (Apolgia flying animals). And after changing my approach for the third time-in three years-I think I have found the way! We are going to try although I haven't totally figured it out yet...I still have time...the Charlotte Mason approach. The science book is set up that way and I think that will be best for the Daisy. So, more on that later I am sure.
As far as Jack is concerned I couldn't decide whether or not to do preschool and since I couldn't decide and it is mostly too late for any kind of registrations somewhere I will keep him at home and most likely do it next year for sure. I am going to attempt teaching him to read; he is desperate for that. Although he thinks we will just sit down and he will be able to learn after we are done. Won't he be surprised! And Lucy will just do what she does...I hope.
All in all I am optimistic for this year. I started doing my planning and was looking for what I had scheduled for Daisy...I hope it isn't too much although I think in this approach it will be manageable. I'm not sure really. I'm totally guessing. I really want her to dive in this year and learn to be more self-motivated and just learn to do the work without me breathing down her neck all the time. I hate that. Hate, hate, hate it. Yes, I am using the word hate. I want her to enjoy it without my constant reminding her of what she should be focusing on. She is SOOOO easily distracted. Anyway, I have planned a full three weeks so far and am feeling really good about that. I'm not sure if I should keep planning or stop so that I can see how it goes and revamp if needed.
The line is so thin between giving your kids a challenge to grow and rise up to and pushing them too far. I hope I found it.

The garden and the chickens

I happened to be out with the camera and thought I would post some pictures of my garden which I am proud to report was totally from seed and has given me snap peas and lettuce so far. The tomatoes and cucumbers are looking good. I don't think I will get any peppers on account of our unseasonably cool summer. But that remains to be seen.

I caught up with the chickens with camera in hand. They weren't in a very pretty part of the yard but oh well. They are chickens and they do what they want. Lucy spends at least an hour a day following them around. She loves them!

Relationships

I have always known that relationships were important. And I don't say that flippantly. I really have always known. As short of a time as I had with my mom I think she poured into me that love of people. My Dad's family (all 60 of us or whatever it is) showed me that relationships were not only important but sacred and valuable and worth the investment. Then I became a Christian. And a new relationship was born in me. It made all the others more powerful and more sacred.
As an adult I can get swept into thinking that other things have as much or more value. It usually doesn't last long because I really am a 'people person'. However, there is the house and the car and the...you can fill in your own blank there. I have become a little obsessed with health and wellness. But trying not to let it rule my actions and motivations. Trying not to let it overcome and be the power I look to save us.
Anyway, I am just being drawn back into God's desire for us to be in relationships. To make them our priority and to include Him in that endeavor. His desire is that we be loving our relationship with Him and in so doing we love the people around us that much better. We can't take all this crap we have here on Earth with us. In fact, we might not even get to keep for our lifetime. But I can cultivate beautiful relationships with the people I love.
At swimming lessons a few weeks ago the gal whose house we were at taking them was chasing her two grandkids around and we had this short but powerful conversation. She looked at me as I laughed as her grandson kicked a ball into a piece of furniture and knocked it over. She said that her mom used to always say she would never have anything nice and she finds herself thinking that now and then. Then pointing to the spunky 5 year old she says, "but really what would I rather have?" I nodded. Point taken. Wisdom of the elders. You'll never really have the nicest things in your house if you care more about the people in your house. And really what would I rather have.
Clean houses are good but knowing my children, husband, and friends is way better. I desire to know my kids hearts fully. And that reveals to me a glimpse of how God looks at each of them and me. I want to be open to Him in that and teach my children to be open to Him. Maybe by cultivating relationships I will teach them how to have an open heart toward their God. And in so doing they will live the life He has for them to live. We went to a concert recently and it was good but what struck Casey and me was the love these men had for what they were doing. Casey keeps saying they are doing what they were born to do. I want my children to do what they were born to do. That makes me cry just thinking about it. I want that for them.

Chickens!...and a rooster!

We are now the proud owners of three adorable black hens and one not so adorable black rooster! They will not be laying any eggs for another month or so, but until then we are so excited to have them. They are very cute and on the small side so they are perfect for our yard. We have a little coop that Casey built and in the day we just let them roam around the yard to eat all the bugs...Yeah! They should lay an egg a day.

I am excited because Daisy got up this morning and without me even asking she let them out of the coop and checked their food and water! It looks like I won't have to do much to care for them...thank goodness. She is thrilled and was just sitting in a chair watching them walk around this morning. And actually it is very pleasant having them out there...you do just want to kind of sit there and listen to them make their little noises and stuff. So peaceful somehow. Casey named the rooster Johnny...of course. Daisy named two of the hens Violet and Lucky. And shocker of all shockers Jack named a hen Thomas. So there you have it. I have my own little city farm now; chickens and all. Next...a goat! Just kidding. Maybe I'll be able to catch them long enough to take a picture...we'll see.

Some people...

I had to go to Les Schwab today and get my tire fixed, which took twice as long as they said it would, of course. As we were patiently waiting outside for the Burb a man was waiting with his very old and cute dog. The kids asked to pet her and they did. After about five minutes of them petting and sitting with this dog the man turns to me and says...wait for it...

"you should have the kids wash their hands when they're done because she had fleas really, really bad and we just got her that flea collar and did drops this week."

AAAAAAUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!

I feel itchy, our clothes are being washed in hot water and I am a little pissed off.

Holes

I listened to a gal speaking today about things we believe about ourselves. We take those things and out of fear of the risk we would have to take to use them, we bury them in holes. She says your either a risk-taker or a hole-maker. I also realized that because we bury these talents or even just truths about who we are we don't steward ourselves well. We were made for a purpose but what if we spend all our time burying things that were intended by God to be used? Why don't we see our selves as treasures to be stewarded just like money? I don't say this to get myself or anyone else freaking out about squandering their gifts but just to think about how we use the parts of us that God gave us. What makes me unique and how can I use that to benefit the people in my life? That is all I'm asking.

Hunt Lake

I went on a hike to Hunt Lake this last Saturday with nine other people. It is amazing to me how nature can transcend and teach us no matter where we have come from or where we are now. I think I can speak for everyone when I say we all learned a little something about ourselves and the people we were with. We got to be in silence in God's creation and hear from him in a refreshing way. It was brilliant. I am grateful to those of you who went with me and sad to those who weren't able to make it. I highly recommend getting out and trying that sometime...you won't regret it...because we were made for such a time as this.

Camping

We went to Horse Haven and had a great time. The kids were thrilled to sleep in a tent for the first time, which Casey and I realized was kinda sad. Nonetheless, we played in the creek, rode motorcycles, ate crap, took naps, got bit by bugs, peed in the woods, and had an overall good time. Jack was learning to play gin with Curt who is willing to play a game with anyone...obviously. Jack actually sat there for about 30 minutes playing cards with him. That is Lucy on the mini-motorcycle...she had a smile on her face the whole time. Daisy loves nature; flowers, bugs, and sticks! Nothing like camping to make you appreciate a good long hot shower!

Yellowstone...finally

These are pictures of Grand Teton, which of course doesn't really do it justice but I thought I would put them up anyway. You should really make it part of your bucket list if it isn't already...amazing! Also, this is what was happening a lot in the car...we were in it for a long time.




We had a great time in Yellowstone and we finally got our USB working for our camera. These first two are just a small sampling of Daisy's photography work on this vacation!

July...what the...

It is July! How in the world did this happen? It has been barely sunny or warm here and we have only gotten out to the park maybe two times! I am disgusted with the summer being half over and not even really having started yet.

There are some summer things happening though. My brother came for his annual Hoopfest/birthday trip. It is always really fun to have him here. We love to spend time with him. The kids love him and know that when he is here there is at least one guaranteed trip to Zips in it for them. We also went to Clinkerdagger for Jordan's birthday dinner and that was a real treat. Just the three of us adults. So, I downed my glass of wine without a worry and ate my fish happily. (I can no longer make fish at home or I will kill my husband..allergies) We talked and sat on the deck overlooking the water. It was fantastic. If you can make the time and money for a date to Clinks...do it. You will not regret it.

Also, we are staring down the barrel of two weeks of swimming lessons...but first we are going camping this weekend. I am a little anxious about this because I have never camped with a 1 year old before. Thank you Lord for our Suburban because I may be in it with her. So, I'll let you know how that goes.

We have just been going, going, going from the minute June hit and I am not feeling the slow down yet. Though I would like to. I am grateful for time with the friends I have seen and missing the ones I haven't seen or talked to in what seems like months. I am hopeful that on my return from camping I will be able to have a week of 'normalcy' -insert your laugh out loud here-and I will get in touch with some of you that have escaped me as of late.

The Trinity explained.

Yesterday my son, Daisy and I had an interesting exchange.
He showed Daisy a picture of Jesus to which he said, "Look Daisy it's God."
Then she says, "No Jack, it's Jesus." He looks perplexed...
To which I say, "Well...they are sort of the same aren't they?"
To which Jack says, "Yeah Daisy, they are the same because they both have a moustache."

Children and Family

At church on Sunday Chris Rogne spoke on fatherhood. I read in the last week that new blog I mentioned about the womb. My friend is in the process of adopting a child. I am being impressed upon lately about what a blessiing family is and children in particular. I am meditating on the blessing, the true blessing, of having children. They will change your life faster than you can say supercalifragilistic. They are hard and they are constantly testing all the weakest parts of our character, but oh how much of God I would be missing if I didn't have them. How much God reveals to me through them. He is good for allowing us to have children no matter what, period, the end.

A new blog

I discovered this new blog by the woman who wrote "Desperate housewives for God" or the title is something close to that. Her last two posts are amazing and you should check them out. I am really enjoying reading her posts.

yoursacredcalling.blogspot.com

Parenting...blaugh

Sometimes I really hate parenting. I mean really, really hate parenting. I hate having to be the one who remembers and keeps everyone else on track with the rules and guidelines and doing what they are supposed to, when they are supposed to. I hate that my voice seems to just be this distant whisper that no one really pays attention to. I on the other hand have to listen intently and respond to everything everyone else says. I wish everyone would just do the right things all the time without being asked or told. Including husbands and every other person on earth...I wish everyone were just perfect...like me!!! Ha, ha, ha. Sometimes I really struggle with growing and learning new things about myself. Isn't that what parenting seems to be; a lesson in yourself and what you are really made of. It seems to be for me.

The Cartel -- Trailer

Yellowstone!

First, I must say that the world and basketball has had a great loss with the passing of John Wooden. If you don't know he is the greatest basketball coach to ever live and a hell of player too. Anyway, it's sad to us basketball junkies. I could go on but I won't.

Second, even though we were in YNP with no tv or radio for the last week they did have papers and we did hear about the 'nearly perfect game'. I was sick. As a baseball fan I must say that is unbelievable, but I am staunchly against the instant replay in baseball; it will ruin the game. There I have said my piece about the sports news. A little glimpse into my not so known love of sports and childhood saturation of them.

YNP was fantastic. It rained and we spent a lot of time in the car. However, it was so fun! The kids had a great time. Lucy was great even though she was trapped in either her car seat, a stroller, or a backpack 95% of the time! We saw lots of fascinating things and spent 5 whole days together as a family. We have some great memories to take with us and for our kids to take with them of their childhood. That was really the whole reason for going. Daisy even said while we were there; "some people don't ever get to see this, right mom?" I think she felt really blessed in that moment and that was her way of sharing that with me. It was really special to hear her say that. A couple of times she walked up to me and just said I love you. Totally out of the blue and I think just because she was really having a great time. Jack was awesome. Casey took him on several little hikes and he just kept on trucking. He had a few moments of 'tiredness' where he would give us the laundry list of his 'aches'...2 tummy aches, a kneeache, a leg ache, a headache, etc...then we would get going again and see a waterfall or something interesting and off he would go. Running and jumping and saying 'cool and wow'. It was great. He sang a lot too; mostly Julie Andrews..you know Sound of Music and Mary Poppins. Everyone seemed to really enjoy it. Of course we saw the Elk and Bison, but we were lucky enough to see a mama bear and her cub and also a moose! Which I was really stoked about because that is what I really wanted to see. It is great to go in spring because it isn't so hot so the animals are down not up in the trees. Also, you get to see the babies, which the kids really enjoyed. We were staying at Grant Village which is in the southern part of the park. So we were only 72 short miles from Jackson, WY. So, Thursday we hopped in the car and spent the day there. It was super fun. The first thing we did was stop at The Bunnery which was a bakery and I got a much needed and thoroughly enjoyed grande latte! Complete with a bread product for all. YNP is not good for food or coffee...FYI, so we all enjoyed our delicious bread and I inhaled (which I never do...I always nurse my drinks) my latte. We walked and window shopped all day. We stopped at the Yippee-I-O candy shoppee and got taffy. To complete the day we had dinner at fabulous local mexican resteraunt where we shared a margarita and some chit chat with locals and travelers alike. Met a guy who grew up in Spokane! Anyway, despite the mostly rainy weather we enjoyed ourselves terribly and on the way home Jack asked why we had to go home and that he wanted to stay at Yellowstone. I guess that means he liked it! I will post some pics when I get a chance.

Money

Why is it that money is such a sore spot in marriage? Why is it so hard to get on the same page? I know it is possible. I know people do. But why does it have to be so hard for so many? It seems like some people think that they are on the same page but really that just means one of them doesn't give a crap or isn't making any effort to really know what is going on. Only one person is really involved/invested in the finances of the house. Why is the bliss of ignorance so appealing? I guess that is just the control freak in me talking. I have been reading through The Total Money Makeover and although we don't need a TOTAL money makeover reading this has lead to some seriously interesting discussions as of late. Also, some realizations about our personalities and how we feel about our roles in our marriage.

Ahh, money. I recently said that money is exhausting/life-sucking for me and my husband asked if it would help if he made more...I said no. Then he asked if it would help if he made less...I said no. I don't really know what the answer is. All I know is that we need to figure it out. But as we are addressing this issue I am learning that we aren't the only ones and a lot of marriages walk around with this dirty little secret of money disagreements.

Reality Check

"And so like runaway slaves, we either flee our own reality or manufacture a false self which is mostly admirable, mildly prepossessing, and superficially happy. We hide what we know or feel ourselves to be (which we assume to be unacceptable and unlovable) behind some kind of appearance which we hope will be more pleasing. We hide behind pretty faces which we put on for the benefit of our public. And in time we may even come to forget that we are hiding, and think that our assumed pretty face is what we really look like."

Simon Tugwell-The Beatitudes

I got a burb!

As some of you know I have been impatiently awaiting the day when I would be a real adult and have my own car...the day has come. We purchased a 1999 Suburban. And now I can have like 3 more kids and still not have to get a new car! Although, I don't get to drive it just yet becuase it is going to the mechanic this week to make sure it is in top running order for our big trip to Yellowstone is 8 days!

I got a burb, I got a burb, I got a burb, hey, hey, hey, hey!

Lucy and Jack

Here are some recent shots of the Lucy and her lucious curls. Also, this little vest was HANDMADE by my talented friend Jess.

On a related note.

My friend Kathy W. has a mom and dad that have all the things to be self-sufficient and every year they kill off their cute little chickens to eat them...I have had the priviledge of enjoying one of these and they are delicious. So, when Kathy mentioned that she would be going to kill chickens and did anyone want to help (totally joking, of course) I said yes if I could get paid in chickens. Or at least get 1 or 2 for helping. And they said I could! So this July I will be killing chickens so that I may have a couple to feed my family safe, healthy, happy chickens. I'll let you know how it goes. I'm sure I will become a vegetarian afterward; not that Food, Inc. didn't push me that way already.

Oh...boy...

Well, it was an interesting day for me. I learned some very...let's say...enlightening things today. The first is that Google keeps a detailed record of all the things you google. It is specific to you and they keep a running list. Also, all those annoying pop-ups aren't random; they are chosen from the words in your emails from your gmail account. So, if you are looking for a car; like us, you will probably have car ads; like us! And the kicker on this little nugget is that the owner of Google in a tv interview said he would give these lists to the government anytime they wanted them. Just an FYI.

So if you don't want to do that you can go through this international search engine called www.startpage.com

The second and depending on where you are in your life even scarier thing I learned today was from the film/documentary Food, Inc. and I will say a couple of things. If you like your ignorant and thus blissful state of living and food consumption that do not watch this. It will change the way you are able to eat and shop for the rest of your life. It will scare you and gross you out. But mostly I hope it motivates you to really examine the food you eat and think about where it comes from and if it is really as healthy for you as you think it is.

If you aren't going to watch it then I give these suggestions: drink milk that says it is free of antibiotics, hormones/growth and otherwise, the same goes for your chicken and beef and pork. DO NOT buy Tyson products...trust me. You do not want to consume or feed these "food" products to your family.
Official Food, Inc. Movie Site - Hungry For Change? - Trailer and Photos

There you go that is my spotlight on the truth as I know it today. We must do what we can to protect ourselves and our families at such a time as this...

Sharing hard times

Recently more than one set of friends of ours are going through hard times. Yet, even as we watch them and cry with them and shake our heads at the crazy things that happen with them and the new things in their lives, I am remembering that God is good.

I have also been struggling, for a long time, with my Dad and had that come up again. But what I know to be true of all these things is that we keep asking what is God doing that will change us?

I was having a converstation with my husband last night about one of these people who is really struggling and we just got to talking about pain. Then I was watching The Biggest Loser, one of my favs, and Michael was speaking to all this pain he still felt even though he had lost 200 pounds. And I was just constantly reminded yesterday of one thing. Everyone has pain/wounds/hurt.

Life is full of hard times, of pain, of wounds. There are so many wounded people walking around us with no one to tell them that they are not alone. So many of the things we do in life cause hurt. Relationships hurt sometimes. People are broken. Very, very broken. How can we live in this brokenness? I say we share in it. I say we open ourselves and relationships up to see the broken parts and to expose them so that we can move on and not feel so stuck in that dark place. No need to pretend. No need to act as though you have no pain, no hurts, no wounds. If we are all honest we know that just isn't true. I was recently encouraged by a book loaned to me by a friend and in it the author encourages you to find a like-minded person to be REAL with. I have found that to be life-saving for me and I just say to those whom don't have that-get it. Life is too short to pretend nothing bad ever happens. Don't let Facebook dictate how you see the world. It isn't always sunshine and rainbows you know.

Happy Mother's Day!

I hope you all have a fabulous day tomorrow and it is filled with peace and joy. I wish for you no fighting children, no whining, house projects completed by husbands, flowers, and lots and lots of hugs and kisses and people telling you that you are irreplaceable. Because you are! The world would be crap without all of you. I mean it. You do the world's most important work every single day that you direct your children to be better people; no matter how old they are!

Have a great day and Happy Mother's Day to you all!

Sunday afternoon

Today I did the impossible...I went to my basement and went through all the outgrown clothes that had piled up in the corner by the closet where I store the "hand-me-downs". It was a large pile. I knew it was large because Casey finally noticed it and asked what it was! That means I better do something about it or it might be gone...long gone.

So, I started to sort into boys and girls clothes but realized I needed to get to some of the bins in the back of the closet, of course. So, pretty soon I was organizing the whole thing! I realized at this point that I probably had more "hand-me-downs" than I needed. So...I purged. 2 hours later I am proud to say that I have organized and reassembled my closet and have an entire black garbage sack of clothes to go to the Union Gospel Mission. Yeah for me! I feel like I just lost 5 pounds! It feels really good to have that done. I highly recommend a good cleaning out of a closet if you haven't done it lately.

Ahhh, the things that make a mom happy!

Homeschool Conference

Well, we braved the conference and survived! When we got there I thought we might not and when we left I thought we might not. But having a little distance from it has proven that it was good. I wasn't sure what my expectations might be of something like this and I'm not sure if I know now what they were. However, I learned some really valuable information about neurodevelopment that I think will help all my kids. Let me just say that the brain is an amazing machine! The things it can do and how it can change are just unfathomable.

So, I am home and learning how to put into practice what I learned. Not just about that but about thinking through what my goal is with teaching my children. What do I want to come of this? Where are they each headed? What am I training them for? Where do I stand and how does that impact what I teach and how I teach? These are things I am thinking about. I am excited to have a vision for my kids and for my time with them.

I am constantly challenged in this homeschool endeavor and feel overwhelmed most of the time. Mostly, I think, because I can see how much influence and impact I can have on my children. Also, to see how much time and impact someone else would be having on my children if they were elsewhere...scary. Anyway, I am constantly stuck in the daily; we have to get reading, writing, math done and not really looking big picture. Which I think is more fun for me; and easier. I want to have a larger goal and like that idea. I don't like getting caught up in the daily muck of life. I appreciate that this is hard and a sacrifice but to think of what it could mean for my kids and my relationship with them makes me... emotional. I just want the best for them.

Life.

This weekend we had our yearly and mandatory visit with Daisy's biological mother. Yugh. I hate it. It totally drains me and makes me freak out with anxiety. I get really worked up beforehand because I just never know what to expect. She almost always says or does something that makes me want to jump out of my skin and/or smack her. But we must go nonetheless. It was clear that people were praying for us because it was the fastest visit we have ever had. I'm not sure if that is because she got Daisy a birthday present that was highly entertaining and captured all of our attention for a good period of time (a Zhu Zhu pet) or if it was the three kids I now keep track of. It did go quickly praise God. She did say some really interesting things. I held my tongue. But I will need to address some of those things next time. I am just glad I can put it out of my mind until next year.

In soulcare we just had an assignment to do and part of it was to talk about some of your regrets and I realized that the open adoption is one of mine. We had no choice in having it open. But I sure wish I would have fought harder for no visits. Hindsight.

But once again I am grateful for my daughter and have regained a vision for God's mercy on her to life her out of that literally god-forsaken life. Not that I forget that very often, but I do need to be reminded. I am looking forward to this weekend though with anticipation as I get to spend some time with my aunt Cathy and her family and at my first homeschool conference. I have no idea what to expect and hope to learn and gain vision for what I am doing here. I need this and can't wait. I'll let you know how it goes.

Strawberry Shortcake and sandboxes...period

They (not sure who that really refers to) shouldn't let menstrating women alone to supervise young children. I sit at the computer tonite exhausted from the following: starting my period, a day of a tantruming 3 going on 4 year old, an 8 year old on the emotional rollercoaster, soar body from either walking yesterday or said period, and going to bed late and then having trouble falling asleep only to be woken up at 5ish by my son jammed in bed next to me.
Some days are just like that, ya know?
Seriously though, it was a rough day. I am not sure if the physical uneasiness is worse than the emotional state I was in. That state being: "I don't give a shit what you do today." That may not always be the best strategy but some days....well... some days I think it is the best strategy. For example, my son decided to have a complete meltdown about something really meaningless and so I put him in his room and closed the door and when he tried to open it I shook my head and closed the door. After only three tries he gave up and just screamed and cried and kicked or whatever he was doing in there. I didn't really care...he wasn't doing it to me. But really, what kind of rational conversation could I have with him at that point. I'm pretty sure none but most other days I have the little conversation with myself about it and today I just walked away. I also let Lucy climb around the freshly mowed lawn in white pants and then climb into the sandbox. She was filthy and I had to shake her to get her clean enough to carry into the house to put in the tub. Like I said, I really just didn't do much today in the way of refreeing/parenting. I just didn't have it in me. So, I am glad the day is over and that it is quiet and I can sit on the couch and do nothing...absolutely nothing.
Because it is 7:45 and I have almost consumed my strawberry shortcake, which is delicious and homemade. I could probably just eat a bowl of whipped cream tonite, but I won't. But the best part is all my kids are in BED!!!!! Daisy, I think, sensed my total and complete inability to have anything left to give and announced that she would be going to bed early to read...then asked, "is this early?" I said yes, mostly because I thought that is what she wanted to hear. Bless her for making my night complete by 7:45 and leave me to my blog and my whipped cream...with strawberries and yummy bread!
Love to all the moms that have to stay home and parent their kids when they feel like Shiz!!!

My baby is one!

My little Lucy turned one and things are starting to get crazy. There are attempts to walk and lots of grabbing of things I can't see. She is precious to me. She loves to use her voice which is cute but also a little overwhelming since I already have 2 of those. How will I hear anyone when three people are talking to me? I love my children and having Lucy be one already is just a sign that homeschooling them is the right choice because it really just doesn't seem like a year could have already gone by. I just can't imagine how it would be if I only got to see them for a couple of hours each day when they got home from school. I would miss so many things.
My children have been a source of real learning for me. I recently discovered that I am afraid of mediocrity when it comes to mothering. Not in failure but in mediocrity. I want to have kids that grow up to be and do amazing things. People who aren't afraid to do hard things, or work hard, or believe when no one else will. I want my kids to reach out to people and do the right things even when they don't want to or people tell them they don't need to. Having kids has showed me far more things than I had even really considered about my upbringing. And trust me when I say I have considered many things. Many things. What a pure blessing it is to be with my kids. I guess its time to start planning when the next Lynch arrives...

Sick...just sick

Last night some new friends of ours came over and brought their super fun game, "Ticket to Ride"...if you haven't played this game you should...it is great. It can be played with 2 people which is a great feature-I think.
Anyway, they came and we talked and played the game and talked some more and stayed up till midnight; it was awesome. Then Casey and I crashed into our bed only to be roused at 2am by our son puking...on us...in our bed! We jumped up and as I rushed him to the toilet Casey started to clean himself and the bed off. He got most of the puke on his shirt. I couldn't believe it. No warning, nothing, he didn't say "I don't feel good or my tummy hurts" just puke. So, Casey stripped the bed and everyone put on new clothes. He laid with us for awhile and decided he wanted to go to his own bed. I trekked him upstairs and tucked him in, only to fly up the stairs about 30 minutes later as he was puking...again. We did the whole thing all over again and brought him back into our bed and tried to get a couple of hours of sleep.
I am exhausted today and a little shaken. It is the first time Jack has puked. (Excluding the obligatory baby puking). He handled it pretty well and of course woke up this morning asking for crackers, banana bread, hot cocoa, and juice. I think he will be alright.
Oh yeah, Daisy had a tummy ache this morning after we told her about Jack's adventures. Weird...

Sweet Relief

I love that my husband is working from home these days. I think it is hard for him at times, but I believe that it is really becoming a blessing for our family. He has been able to take 1 or 2 of the kids with him sometimes when he is out and about picking up materials or painting somewhere. It is so great to be able to have a little break without having to have any Mommy guilt about not taking care of my kid(s) because they are with their Daddy! Yeah!
I think it has been good for Casey too because he is able to spend time with them while doing something else and they get to see what he does and be a part of it. Like when he went to pain at our church a couple of weeks ago he let Daisy paint a ladybug on the tree. So cute. She is so proud of what she did too.
I am just really enjoying the small break of Jack being with Dad today and how I know he is having a lot of fun with him. And I haven't been jumped on or climbed one single time today! It is amazing what happens when you can really share and partner in raising your kids.

Aha!

I had an "Aha" moment the other day trying to wrestle my nearly 1 year old baby girl into a diaper...God is trying to grow me! Why else in the world would he give me three (all) stubborn, strong-willed, and talkative/loud/gotta-have-the-last-word children? I must have some personal maturing to do because it is defenitly pushing the limits of my patience and sanity. I love my children dearly but oh how they challenge me to be a more mature person. I am just consantly amazed at how they challenge the core of who I am just by who they are. Parenting is an amazingly humbling undertaking.

On a semi-related note you should look at this blog and her blog from a couple of days ago. On education...frightening.
www.joyfullyathomeblog.com/

Realizations and such

I had a great night out last night when on a double date with some friends of ours. I realized, however, when we were talking that I was not alone in my fear and concern for the world we live in. Such a relief. Sometimes when I learn new things or realize the country isn't what I thought it was, I am so burdened but feel as though there is no one to share it with. Will people think I am crazy? Will I say these things and think I'm crazy? What is going to happen? How do I protect my family?
But through all of this I really have been learning what it means to have faith. For instance, I was really not for the whole Swine Flu vaccine thing. I was conflicted but I did my homework and read A LOT and talked with some nurses. I realized that is was being blown out of proportion and that if we were careful we would be just fine. I did not get anyone vaccinated. I struggled because people asked if we were going to and if I was worried and of course I was. But I knew in my gut that it wasn't worth the risk and I had to have faith. I am learning to lay my decisions before Him and watch how he honors my devotion to His ways. I really am learning to lay each thing at His feet for consideration instead of making the decsions and then saying, "there you go, now bless my wisdom and discernment that you gave me on this." Oh how prideful I am. I need to seek first His kingdom and righteousness-not my own. Ouch. We have a good God.
On a similar note I was looking through my camera and came across a picture that depicts why I do what I do. Stay home and grow with my kids and let them grow with each other. God is blessing our sacrifice to homeschool our kids and to be a stay at home mom.