Where did 2 months go?

Well, if you must know I have been cleaning!  And organizing and filling boxes with all our "extra stuff".   And dealing with a puppy who has now ruined 4 pairs of shoes, a pillow, a few towels and several toys.  Among other things like laundry, school, dance, appointments, cooking, and all the other random things that come about.  We haven't been to care group or church for about a month due to severe colds...mostly Casey and me.  I think it's stress induced...I know it's stress induced.  Casey is commuting for 3 hours a day in the car.  Leaving at 5:30am and getting home between 6:30 and 7pm.   I feel like I need to apologize to every person in my life for practically dropping off the face of the earth.  All I really want is a day off, honestly.  A day where I don't have to do anything or go anywhere.  It just seems never ending, which I think is why I haven't kicked my cold.  Oh and to top it all off we need a new transmission in the suburban!  Ok. Am I done ranting?  Not sure.  We'll see.

I have learned some interesting things about myself in the last couple of months.  I am not a very good mom when I am stressed out.  I became very short and easily frustrated with my kids and basically just wanted them to go away and not bother me.  It seemed as if they were always doing something I didn't want them to do or were ruining something I was trying to fix or just fixed.  It has been pretty ugly...on my end.  I also hate being consumed by housework.  I am a good housekeeper.  But I hate having to constantly be on top alert for what the kids are doing.  I hate that I feel like my house needs to be pristine or damn close all the time.  It makes me crazy.   I also have very little patience or trust in God and what He is doing in my life.  I had a breakdown last week.  It was pretty pathetic.  However, I realized that I was having a breakdown over something pretty insignificant compared to some of the other things I had faced in my life.  So, what does that say about where I am?  Have I lost faith?  Have I regressed emotionally and spiritually in maturity?  I don't know but boy do I need to get a grip.  I have lost my focus for sure.  All things are not in my hands nor are they by my doing or undoing.  Anyway, in all this up and down of selling a house I have come to learn some MORE of my weaknesses as a person.  And boy is that fun!!!  We are ready to move and just waiting for the right person to come along and buy our house.

In the meantime the kids are basically done with school...which is a huge weight off.  We have done most things that need to be done to the house.  Now we just wait.  We're in the waiting place as Dr. Seuss so aptly put it.  I am trying not to hate the waiting place.